Simples.
Sunday 24 April 2011
Saturday 16 April 2011
Guest post on Lib Dem Voice
I was thrilled to be invited recently to write my first ever guest post for Lib Dem Voice. You can read it here.
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Cambridgeshire guided busway
A Cambridgeshire County Councillor has just sent me a superb comment from the Cambridge News web site, by a reader (CleverRichard) summing up the latest twist in the infamous Cambridgeshire guided busway saga. It's so brilliant it just has to be preserved for posterity - perhaps on the plaque to be unveiled if and when the accursed thing ever opens.
"The cost of the guided busway (£180 million) now exceeds the amount of money spent making the film Inception ($160 million). However let's look on the bright side, years from now – long after the film is forgotten – Cambridge’s guided busway will be providing us with endless entertainment. It is a safe bet no week will pass without a CEN story about the trolley-folly to brighten our lives during an otherwise dull week. If the clay beneath the busway starts to shift we might even see Cambridgeshire's own version of a Parisian street folding over on itself. Even so it is worth pointing out that there is an important difference between Christopher Nolan's Inception and the Cambridgeshire County Council/BAM Nuttall project. One is a bizarre story about a group of people desperately trying to escape from a dream world of their own making and the other is a film starring Leonardo DiCaprio."The latest story and assorted reader comments, including the above, are here.
Tuesday 12 April 2011
Monday 4 April 2011
About that referendum
The About My Vote web site has published a useful video guide to the forthcoming referendum on moving to a fairer voting system. Enjoy.
Friday 1 April 2011
April Fool
I think April Fool began three days early for me this year. At least, I believe that's what one of the world's most famous courier companies has been doing to me all this week.
I'm expecting a time-critical package from overseas that should have been with me by Tuesday at the latest. On Monday, I'm out walking the dogs and, as luck would have it, when I get back I find a card on the mat to say that said courier company has tried to deliver but I was out.
On Tuesday morning, I email them, using the address provided on their 'sorry you were out' card, and ask them to implement one of the options they offer on their card - to redirect the package to a different address. In my naivety, I think that if I ask for the package to be sent to my husband's place of work instead, with a reception desk and all, it will be certain to be delivered in time. More April fool me.
Still no news by Thursday morning, so I ring my husband at work. No package. Oh no, wait a minute - yes there is, he says. But it doesn't look like what you were expecting. Should I open it to be certain? Yes, I say. So he does. It's not my package, it's some computer peripherals for someone I don't know in Norfolk. Well done!
So, after scrabbling around on their website for ten minutes to try to find a telephone number that isn't an automated system, I ring the courier company. An 0844 number - kerching! What's happened to my package? Oh, they said, it's sitting here on hold in our depot; maybe we didn't receive your email about the redirection. May I beg to differ on that, I ask, bearing in mind that your computers generated an automatic 'read receipt' message when they opened my email, and I have that message here in front of me? Having settled that between ourselves, we agree that the package will be sent to the redirect address (my husband's place of work) to arrive on Friday (today). It's not exactly Tuesday, but by this point that's becoming a little bit academic.
Being of a suspicious nature, this morning I sign on to the courier company's website to track progress. My package is being delivered as arranged, it tells me. Super! But just to be sure, I ring the courier company to confirm where it's going. It's that 0844 number again - kerching kerching! So my package is going to my husband's place of work as discussed yesterday, is it? Oh, no, I'm told; if it were going there today it wouldn't be starting from here. So they tell me they'll deliver it to my home address as originally planned, and I junk all my arrangements for the morning to stay at home to receive it. Wonderful!
Having, I hope, sorted out that part of the problem, it's time to ring the poor gentleman in Norfolk and tell him that his package is safe with me. He's very grateful, though rather puzzled to hear from a complete stranger.
Whoopee! The bell rings mid-morning and it's the package I've been waiting for. I'm not allowed to open it to check it's the correct consignment until I've signed for it - there are rules about that sort of thing, you know - but once I've autographed the deliverer's little docket book, I open the package to check, and sure enough it's fine.
Now, I tell the driver, I have this little matter of this package here for the gentleman in Norfolk - if I give it to you, you can take it back to your depot and send it on from there, can't you? It would appear that the answer to that is no; life isn't that simple. We're not allowed to collect items without a booking, you see, and you haven't made a booking with our office. Look, here's the number, ring them. Oh look, it's another 0844 number - kerching kerching kerching!
A quarter of an hour on the phone to the new 0844 number. The worn and illegible reference number on the package doesn't correspond to any reference number on their system. Whole logistics system thrown into chaos. We'll have to ring you back.
So here am I, sitting waiting for a phone call from a courier company to confirm that they are prepared to collect a package that doesn't belong to me, which through no fault of my own (and every fault of theirs) has ended up here, and which I've had to virtually beg them to come and take away. Splendid!
Any minute now, I'm expecting a hidden camera to swing into view, and the late Jeremy Beadle to pop out from behind it and tell me I've been framed. Well done, *** courier company, you're ace at what you do. And happy April Fool's day, everyone.
Postscript: I almost forgot to say. About half an hour after I'd logged on to the courier company's website on Thursday, I received an email purporting to be from the said company, telling me that my item would be sent to my home address and would be with me in three business days: please see the attached file for details of the order and tracking number. The 'attached file', when I investigated, was a .exe - an executable file no doubt containing some virus, trojan or other nasty. So not only are they incapable of following basic instructions or delivering the right goods to the right customers, but their website's been hacked as well. Marvellous!
I'm expecting a time-critical package from overseas that should have been with me by Tuesday at the latest. On Monday, I'm out walking the dogs and, as luck would have it, when I get back I find a card on the mat to say that said courier company has tried to deliver but I was out.
On Tuesday morning, I email them, using the address provided on their 'sorry you were out' card, and ask them to implement one of the options they offer on their card - to redirect the package to a different address. In my naivety, I think that if I ask for the package to be sent to my husband's place of work instead, with a reception desk and all, it will be certain to be delivered in time. More April fool me.
Still no news by Thursday morning, so I ring my husband at work. No package. Oh no, wait a minute - yes there is, he says. But it doesn't look like what you were expecting. Should I open it to be certain? Yes, I say. So he does. It's not my package, it's some computer peripherals for someone I don't know in Norfolk. Well done!
So, after scrabbling around on their website for ten minutes to try to find a telephone number that isn't an automated system, I ring the courier company. An 0844 number - kerching! What's happened to my package? Oh, they said, it's sitting here on hold in our depot; maybe we didn't receive your email about the redirection. May I beg to differ on that, I ask, bearing in mind that your computers generated an automatic 'read receipt' message when they opened my email, and I have that message here in front of me? Having settled that between ourselves, we agree that the package will be sent to the redirect address (my husband's place of work) to arrive on Friday (today). It's not exactly Tuesday, but by this point that's becoming a little bit academic.
Being of a suspicious nature, this morning I sign on to the courier company's website to track progress. My package is being delivered as arranged, it tells me. Super! But just to be sure, I ring the courier company to confirm where it's going. It's that 0844 number again - kerching kerching! So my package is going to my husband's place of work as discussed yesterday, is it? Oh, no, I'm told; if it were going there today it wouldn't be starting from here. So they tell me they'll deliver it to my home address as originally planned, and I junk all my arrangements for the morning to stay at home to receive it. Wonderful!
Having, I hope, sorted out that part of the problem, it's time to ring the poor gentleman in Norfolk and tell him that his package is safe with me. He's very grateful, though rather puzzled to hear from a complete stranger.
Whoopee! The bell rings mid-morning and it's the package I've been waiting for. I'm not allowed to open it to check it's the correct consignment until I've signed for it - there are rules about that sort of thing, you know - but once I've autographed the deliverer's little docket book, I open the package to check, and sure enough it's fine.
Now, I tell the driver, I have this little matter of this package here for the gentleman in Norfolk - if I give it to you, you can take it back to your depot and send it on from there, can't you? It would appear that the answer to that is no; life isn't that simple. We're not allowed to collect items without a booking, you see, and you haven't made a booking with our office. Look, here's the number, ring them. Oh look, it's another 0844 number - kerching kerching kerching!
A quarter of an hour on the phone to the new 0844 number. The worn and illegible reference number on the package doesn't correspond to any reference number on their system. Whole logistics system thrown into chaos. We'll have to ring you back.
So here am I, sitting waiting for a phone call from a courier company to confirm that they are prepared to collect a package that doesn't belong to me, which through no fault of my own (and every fault of theirs) has ended up here, and which I've had to virtually beg them to come and take away. Splendid!
Any minute now, I'm expecting a hidden camera to swing into view, and the late Jeremy Beadle to pop out from behind it and tell me I've been framed. Well done, *** courier company, you're ace at what you do. And happy April Fool's day, everyone.
Postscript: I almost forgot to say. About half an hour after I'd logged on to the courier company's website on Thursday, I received an email purporting to be from the said company, telling me that my item would be sent to my home address and would be with me in three business days: please see the attached file for details of the order and tracking number. The 'attached file', when I investigated, was a .exe - an executable file no doubt containing some virus, trojan or other nasty. So not only are they incapable of following basic instructions or delivering the right goods to the right customers, but their website's been hacked as well. Marvellous!
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